Funny Definitions

New Definitions

Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.

Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.

Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Divorce :
Future tense of marriage.

Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.

Father:
A banker provided by nature.

Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car
approaches.

DIVORCE -- postgraduate in School of Love.

PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.

SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.

SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.

SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.

CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed.

EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.

FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.

OPTIMIST -- girl who regards a bulge as a curve.

MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.

COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to thetelephone.

EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.

OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.

BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."

BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.

TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.